Wanted: Single, Handsome, NRI for suitable fair-skinned, well-educated girl.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen 1813)
It is also a truth acknowledged in India, that a single man with an NRI tag to his name (Non Resident Indian), must be, by mere virtue of the fact that he lives abroad, not just wealthy but a person of sound moral and religious character. And so scores of Indian newpapers run daily matrimonal columns where people advertise a preference for NRI girls or boys based on this rather erroneous assumption that "a life abroad must be easier".
While it is hardly unusual in India, to find a matrimonial match through the daily newspapers, there definately seems to be a trend among a lot of young women in urban India, to find themselves the perfect NRI, to settle down with and live a life of "comfort" overseas. Sadly, while most of these marriages are made in heaven, there is a staggeringly high proportion of them that are actually lived in hell.
So bad have been some of the instances, that the Indian Goverment is contemplating offering legal assistance to Indian women stuck in abusive marriages overseas. The DNA newspaper (Data News Analysis) recently ran a story asking young women of their opinion on NRI marriages.
http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1073601
While there were a several women who appeared to undertake a more cautious and sensible approach, there were a couple who seemed shocking naive about the realities of living overseas.
I've held many a conversation with young women in Mumbai recently, about this whole NRI marriage issue. The responses and views I received indicated that while criteria like religion, education, skin tone and caste were important factors in deciding on a suitable NRI match, the overriding popular determinant seemed to be economic. There is shamefully, a perceived conception, that that a life with an NRI, is an easier life. NRIs because they earn in dollars or pounds must be wealthy and therefore a marrying a weathly man improves ones social standing and thereby allows one to live a "comfortable and relaxed" life.
All, of the women I spoke to, fall under the demographic of well-educated, upper middle class, urban women. Even in conversations with some of my unmarried school friends, a number of them confided that they will not marry anyone else, but an NRI.
As hard as I try, I fail to understand why an NRI label has suddenly gained so much credence when it comes to arranged marriages. I can only put this trend, down to the overglorification of life overseas as portrayed in films, and by some NRIs who like nothing better than to "show off" their supposed wealth to people in India, and the complete lack of information available to young women and their families about the actualities of living overseas.
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to improve ones prospects, but when these aspirations are inflated, clouded with poor judgement, borne out of a pseudo narrative about reality, then it becomes a problem. Tradition Indian arrangements relied on knowledge about the suitor and his family from a reliable source, usually a common family friend or a neighbour or a relative. The danger with overseas proposals is that there is hardly any information that can be gathered about a prospective spouse.
As an Indian living overseas, I can tell you that the streets of New York, LA, London, Sydney, Auckland etc may be cleaner and greener than Mumbai, but they are certainly not paved with gold and life is no bed of roses. The perception that life overseas is easier and relaxed is a bit far-fetched.
The reality is that life is far from "relaxed" and "comforts" are earned through sheer hard work.
Most of us work really long hours, get back home and have to fend for ourselves. Maids, are luxuries we take for granted in India. However, overseas, there are no merry maids to fetch and pick up after us. That image only exists in the reel life not the the real one, unless of course you are lucky enough to marry a Mittal, an Ambani or a major Hollywood star. If not, then like the rest of us, you learn pretty quickly the art of cleaning you own toilet, a chore that unfortunately doesn't do itself. And God help you if your husband has a poor bathroom etiquette.
Lack of a maid, means that hot, tasty, home cooked meals only produce themselves if we actually bother to cook them each night. Frozen pizza and ready microwave meals become tasteless after a while and take-aways can put a substantial dent in the pocket if you order out each night.
We are forever rushing after time, to catch up with time, to make time. Socialising usually happens among our work colleagues. Furthermore, unlike India, not all neighbours want to, or even have time to socialise. And, with people on the move all the time, you would be really lucky if you know who your neighbours are.
For a stay at home wife or a women accustomed to living in India, where you know your neighbours and your friends are always around, acclimatising to the lonliness is not always easy and can be increasingly depressing. Futhermore, if unfortunately, a young bride finds herself in the midsts of a martial nightmare and facing abuse, not having a friends or family around further isolates her.
The move proposed by the Indian Government to offer legal advise to women overseas is certainly a welcome move, but more needs to be done so that women have an increased awareness. The eyes of greed that focus only on the glittering greenbucks need to be shut and cognizable images of life overseas need to be portrayed, so that young women can be prepared and make informed decisions about the futures that they are embarking upon.
And then after that,
"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance." (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, 1813)
It is also a truth acknowledged in India, that a single man with an NRI tag to his name (Non Resident Indian), must be, by mere virtue of the fact that he lives abroad, not just wealthy but a person of sound moral and religious character. And so scores of Indian newpapers run daily matrimonal columns where people advertise a preference for NRI girls or boys based on this rather erroneous assumption that "a life abroad must be easier".
While it is hardly unusual in India, to find a matrimonial match through the daily newspapers, there definately seems to be a trend among a lot of young women in urban India, to find themselves the perfect NRI, to settle down with and live a life of "comfort" overseas. Sadly, while most of these marriages are made in heaven, there is a staggeringly high proportion of them that are actually lived in hell.
So bad have been some of the instances, that the Indian Goverment is contemplating offering legal assistance to Indian women stuck in abusive marriages overseas. The DNA newspaper (Data News Analysis) recently ran a story asking young women of their opinion on NRI marriages.
http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1073601
While there were a several women who appeared to undertake a more cautious and sensible approach, there were a couple who seemed shocking naive about the realities of living overseas.
I've held many a conversation with young women in Mumbai recently, about this whole NRI marriage issue. The responses and views I received indicated that while criteria like religion, education, skin tone and caste were important factors in deciding on a suitable NRI match, the overriding popular determinant seemed to be economic. There is shamefully, a perceived conception, that that a life with an NRI, is an easier life. NRIs because they earn in dollars or pounds must be wealthy and therefore a marrying a weathly man improves ones social standing and thereby allows one to live a "comfortable and relaxed" life.
All, of the women I spoke to, fall under the demographic of well-educated, upper middle class, urban women. Even in conversations with some of my unmarried school friends, a number of them confided that they will not marry anyone else, but an NRI.
As hard as I try, I fail to understand why an NRI label has suddenly gained so much credence when it comes to arranged marriages. I can only put this trend, down to the overglorification of life overseas as portrayed in films, and by some NRIs who like nothing better than to "show off" their supposed wealth to people in India, and the complete lack of information available to young women and their families about the actualities of living overseas.
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to improve ones prospects, but when these aspirations are inflated, clouded with poor judgement, borne out of a pseudo narrative about reality, then it becomes a problem. Tradition Indian arrangements relied on knowledge about the suitor and his family from a reliable source, usually a common family friend or a neighbour or a relative. The danger with overseas proposals is that there is hardly any information that can be gathered about a prospective spouse.
As an Indian living overseas, I can tell you that the streets of New York, LA, London, Sydney, Auckland etc may be cleaner and greener than Mumbai, but they are certainly not paved with gold and life is no bed of roses. The perception that life overseas is easier and relaxed is a bit far-fetched.
The reality is that life is far from "relaxed" and "comforts" are earned through sheer hard work.
Most of us work really long hours, get back home and have to fend for ourselves. Maids, are luxuries we take for granted in India. However, overseas, there are no merry maids to fetch and pick up after us. That image only exists in the reel life not the the real one, unless of course you are lucky enough to marry a Mittal, an Ambani or a major Hollywood star. If not, then like the rest of us, you learn pretty quickly the art of cleaning you own toilet, a chore that unfortunately doesn't do itself. And God help you if your husband has a poor bathroom etiquette.
Lack of a maid, means that hot, tasty, home cooked meals only produce themselves if we actually bother to cook them each night. Frozen pizza and ready microwave meals become tasteless after a while and take-aways can put a substantial dent in the pocket if you order out each night.
We are forever rushing after time, to catch up with time, to make time. Socialising usually happens among our work colleagues. Furthermore, unlike India, not all neighbours want to, or even have time to socialise. And, with people on the move all the time, you would be really lucky if you know who your neighbours are.
For a stay at home wife or a women accustomed to living in India, where you know your neighbours and your friends are always around, acclimatising to the lonliness is not always easy and can be increasingly depressing. Futhermore, if unfortunately, a young bride finds herself in the midsts of a martial nightmare and facing abuse, not having a friends or family around further isolates her.
The move proposed by the Indian Government to offer legal advise to women overseas is certainly a welcome move, but more needs to be done so that women have an increased awareness. The eyes of greed that focus only on the glittering greenbucks need to be shut and cognizable images of life overseas need to be portrayed, so that young women can be prepared and make informed decisions about the futures that they are embarking upon.
And then after that,
"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance." (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, 1813)
Comments
As far as gals are concerned, i would not be frnd with a gal or marry a gal who wants spoon feeding, if you have got to make it working you have to work hard and make the things work for u.. just marrying a successful - the term used interchangebly with NRI coz its not easy to get VISAs for we indians and hence a big achievement - guy isnt no shortcut.. :)